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Listening for Love

Yesterday morning, watching the rising sun at 6:20 am made me feel loved by God.  Smiling, I wondered why.  Then, I imagined the curved rings of sunshine were His outstretched arms reaching out to give me a tight hug, the kind that says more than words ever could and makes you catch your breath.

It’s funny how when I make more time for God, I hear him better, clearer.  UGH!?!?  Why do I need to re-learn this every day?  I think because it’s harder to be living in the world but not being of the world.  We’re infinite spirits wrapped up with mortal bodies at our spiritual core.  We keep forgetting that the essence of our true selves is our spirit and the spiritual world is reality because the material world is illusive and distracting.

The more I trust God, the more I love God.  It’s a love relationship that can’t go wrong unless you screw it up, and even when you do, you know it’s going to be okay.  What I’m suggesting is that you focus on listening for the love.  Like any love relationship, it takes work and time, but you will not be disappointed.

How do you focus on listening?
·       Try spending time writing in a journal (maybe write letters to God in it and the answers you get from Him)
·       Praying which can either be just talking to God like you do anyone else, reciting a structured prayer, or however you prefer communicating with Him.
·       Meditating on a prayer, poem, or artwork that reminds you of God’s love; or
·       Just be present and listen for God like I was doing yesterday morning looking out  my kitchen window before breakfast. 
Say and do whatever feels right for you.  Remember, the more time you spend communicating in a relationship, the more you get know someone.  The more you get to know God, the more you will love Him, and the more you will see and hear the love.

Resurrecting Your Spirit

Today, I am a happy and peaceful person.  Every sexual violence survivor deserves to live a happy and peaceful life.  Maybe you don’t feel like it right now, but you are in control of your life.  You and God, Nature, or whatever you call your higher power, together you can do anything.

How do you begin?  In a word, the answer is “self-care.”  I don’t understand why we routinely neglect our spiritual health because it’s the key to our wellness.  I know it sounds weird, but hear me out.  In a house full of people, have you ever been in a room by yourself with your back to the door when someone walks in without making a noise?  Before you turned around, you knew who was there because you sensed their spirit before you heard or saw them.

Think about your close friends.  The reason they’re your close friends is because your spirits connect in a nurturing way.  Among other things, it might be because they’re kind, loyal, always ready to make you laugh or cheer you up when you’re depressed, and maybe spontaneous (or not if that’s what you prefer).  You and they are the sum of the intangible qualities that make up your spirit and make you the person you are today.

We’ve all heard stories about hostages surviving their grueling captivity by drawing from their faith in God in prayer.  Gloria Polanco, the wife of a senator and former governor, one of 15 Colombian hostages held by rebels (all of whom were rescued), prayed for an hour and a half every day.  Her faith kept her sane. “I spoke to God a lot. I could feel His suffering,” she said. “You could see the difference between those who had faith and those who didn’t. Some prayed a lot, and some said that God didn’t hear them.”

The point I’m trying to make is that our spirit is the essence of our true self and is where our infinite strength lies.  Since we’re not taking care of the core of our existence, there’s no way we can be healthy, whole and expect to be living balanced lives.  We need to provide nourishment for and nurture our spiritual health like we do our physical and mental health.

When I wrote the poems in my first book, A Rape Survivor’s Spiritual Journey: My Poems and Practical Exercises, I had lost track of all my friends, and the only one I had nearby made a pass at me knowing that I was a survivor of childhood sexual violence.  It was devastating, but I was determined to beat the darkness.  I vowed to deepen my prayer life and read nothing but positive, uplifting books like The Power of Positive Thinking, the bible, and listen to inspiring music.  I was not going down without a fight.

Recently, long after I wrote this book, I struggled through the worst depression I ever experienced.  My mind, senses, and spirit constantly wrestled with the bleak darkness, and my only consolation came during prayer.  I felt myself slipping away and disappearing, regressing to my tormented childhood days never to return.

Thank God I met William Rosado, another survivor, who wisely assessed I had not completely forgiven my deceased father or myself as I told him I already did.  He helped me achieve a miraculous breakthrough on July 7, 2014, my deceased step-sister Mary’s birthday.  Also sexually abused by our biological father, I felt she saved my life and expunged my guilt for not finding her before she passed away.

William reminded me of the power of God’s love while carefully guiding and counseling me through completely forgiving my father and myself.  However, I had to finish the process on my own in private between God and me.  Determined, I had no idea how it would end.  After endless tears and painfully excavating the depths of my soul, I finally achieved absolute forgiveness for my father and me.  Beaten, torn, and tattered, my heart exploded, and my PTSD became history.  Thanks be to God!

I always recommend one-on-one therapy and group therapy if and when you and your therapist decide that it’s time.  However, I also recommend meditation, all forms of prayer, and self-care for your spiritual health as well as your physical and mental health.

While I wholeheartedly support survivors whether they seek justice in court or not, I believe justice and forgiveness are independently possible.  As a part of their healing process, survivors determine what they need to do to resurrect their spirit.  My mission is serving them on their healing journey.  Let me know how I can help you.

PTSD Trauma Survivors Suffer Mirrors the PTSD War Veterans Suffer, so Please Be Gentle with Yourself

Did you know that as early as 1993, the American Psychological Association published a report referencing 45 clinical studies that found post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) often occurred in child sexual violence victims?  When survivors of childhood sexual violence and other trauma survivors experience PTSD, the disorder mirrors the PTSD war veterans suffer, so please be forgiving and gentle with yourself or your loved one.

It’s unfair you’re fighting a war with yourself because you’ve been brainwashed into believing the sexual assault you suffered was your fault.  That’s a lie perpetrated by the criminal who assaulted you or your loved one.  To make matters worse, it’s outrageous you’re also in combat with a society and worldwide media that refuses to believe that someone in their community can commit such violent and evil acts, so they usually choose to blame victims.  Remember, not only is God there for you, but millions if not billions of survivors are sending you their love by praying for you every day: for your peace, joy, and healing.  I pray you hear and feel our spirits reaching out to yours cheering you on.

Here are the lyrics of the beginning of Katy Perry’s “Part of Me” video that talks about fighting for her soul.  Below is a link to this YouTube video.  I hope you find it inspiring.
Days like this I want to drive away
Pack my bags and watch your shadow fade away
‘Cause you chew me up and spit me out
Like I was poison in your mouth
You took my light, you drained me down
That was then and this is now
Now look at me

[Chorus:]
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw sticks and stones, throw your bombs and bones
You’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

You deserve to live a happy and peaceful life!  Maybe you don't feel like it right now, but you are in control of your life.  You and God, Nature, or whatever you call your higher power, together you can do anything.  Keep praying/meditating, fighting, and we'll keep praying/meditation for you and continue sending you our love.  It won't always be like this.  You will feel better one day!  You might lose some battles, but you're going to win this war!!!
I’m not a licensed doctor or therapistI’m one of your billion cheerleaders.  We're all someone just like you or your loved one:  conquering evil one day at a time.  If you or a loved one is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder or another anxiety disorder and is not in therapy, please seek professional help in your community immediately.  Here’s a link to Resources on my website page that can assist you in your search:  https://apprenticebutterflies.com/resources/

Remember, you are loved.  You are precious.  You are remarkable, and you’re still here for a reason.  Belong to the truth.

Who and What Do You Want To Be?

I always recommend therapy for sexual violence survivors and all trauma survivors.  It helped me tremendously.  Hand in hand with my faith in God, therapy saved my life.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been” is a quote attributed to George Eliot aka Mary Ann Evans.  No matter how bad things are right now, there’s always hope as long as you hold onto your faith in God and never let go.

Consider visualizing what you want to be and writing about it.  Whenever a negative thought comes to you, turn them into positive ones.  Yes, of course, it will be awkward and difficult at first, but you can do it!  Constant prayer and meditation will help you remind yourself that God’s in charge and you’re not, so you don't put more stress on yourself.  Remember the biblical quote in Philippians 4:13, "I have the strength for everything through him who empowers me," and keep repeating it to yourself as well as other inspiring words.

Connecting with God

To find God, look inside your heart and start talking to Him and telling Him everything like He’s your best friend.  Ask Him to keep you focused on His endless love and your healing path.  Always remember that you are precious, and you are loved more than you can ever imagine.  You are remarkable, and you’re still here for a reason.  Consider starting a God journal where you write everything down you want to tell God and His responses.

So you can begin or continue your healing journey, please also consider seeking out professional help in your community and letting trusted friends and family know you need their love and support.
Remember, you are NEVER alone.  God is always with you, and so is the love of millions of survivors everywhere praying for your peace, joy, and healing every day.

There’s Always Hope

As long as you’re alive, there’s always hope. 

As long as you accept God’s love, there’s always hope.

As long as you believe God loves you, there’s always hope.

If you can imagine what you’re hoping for, there’s always hope.

Wherever you are reading this, there’s always hope.

Empower Your Spirit in the God Zone

When athletes perform exceptionally, they talk about being in a zone which I call the “God zone.”  According to a February 19, 2010 article by the American Psychological Association, Dr. Shane Murphy says, “What’s fascinating is that we find that athletes often don’t need to be perfect to succeed.  Being in the “zone” isn’t about perfection as much as it is about staying in the moment, not worrying about failure, and not worrying about what the result might be.  I find every athlete to be unique in their approach to that “zone,” but they use some combination of psychological skills such as visualization, goal-setting, concentration, relaxation or mindfulness, psyching up, positive self-talk and developing a consistent routine in order to get there. Once they’re ready, they focus and let it happen. Their bodies are prepared to succeed – usually it’s the mind that can get in the way – if you let it.”

You’ve probably been in the situation when you were with someone preoccupied with the past or the future.  If you’re trying to love and support them, but they’re not spiritually with you in the present moment, there’s no way they can begin to accept your love and support.  The same holds true of our relationship with God.

I recommend you pray the words below, and I encourage you to add your own petition for a positive change in your life while you focus on being in the present moment with God.

The spirit of God lives and breathes inside me.
I breathe with the spirit.
I am one with the spirit.
I AM God’s spirit.

At all times and in all places, the spirit of God lives and breathes inside me.
I breathe with the spirit.
I am one with the spirit.
I AM God’s spirit.

The spirit of God empowers me with the strength to
[insert your greatest challenge here].
I breathe with the spirit.
I am one with the spirit.
I AM God’s spirit.

I also suggest you try making it a habit.  During a hectic day, I make it a point to pray these lines wherever I am, even in the bathroom after washing my hands which helps me calm down if I’m stressed and focus on the present moment.

God’s Love is Always There for You


More than 10 years ago, when the darkness had control over me, I remember seeing a bumper sticker that said, “The Meaning of Life is to Live It.”  At the time, I was going to the YWCA for sexual violence counseling, and I remember how it made me feel hopeful.  I thought about that recently when I saw an ad in the subway that read “I got my life back.”
Recently, I went through a difficult, dark period.  I thought I forgave my father, but I really didn’t:  not wholeheartedly.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m definitely no saint.  I only did it, or thought I did, because I thought it would help me heal faster.  Overcome with the darkness again, this time, it was worse.  I was in survival mode like I imagine soldiers at war must be.  I felt like I had to keep myself busy, so it wouldn’t devour me.

Thanks to a new friend who’s also a survivor, he reminded me of the power of God’s love while carefully guiding and counseling me about forgiving my father.  However, I had to finish the process on my own in private between God and me.  The excruciating pain left my heart feeling like you do after exercising when you haven’t done so in a long time.  Sore and weak, my heart felt like it had been beaten up, and I guess it had been for all these years.

Thank you, God, for not giving up on me!  Thank you for putting people and signs (some literally and some figuratively) in my life to help me remember that you are always there for me.  You are truly awesome!

Wondering How to Pray?


If you’re uncomfortable about praying, or if you’re unsure how to start.  You might want to consider this mnemonic suggestion.

Present Moment
Relax
Attentive
Yearn


1.   Present Moment:  Remain in the present moment.  We’ve all had a conversation with someone so absorbed in the past or the future that we felt like we were all alone.  When you catch yourself time traveling, imagine you’re having coffee or lunch with God at Starbuck’s.   Unlike the real world, you can control all the distractions which are your thoughts in this case.  When you find yourself wandering off, gently focus back on the present moment.
  

2.   Relax:  The whole idea is to begin or continue a relationship with God.  Remember, like your closest friends, God doesn’t want you stressing out about talking to him, so just relax.  Don’t worry.  Chill out.
 
3.   Attentive:  No one likes trying to have a serious conversation with someone when the other person is more interested in what’s going on at the next table.  Keep ignoring someone with whom you’re trying to develop a relationship, and you’ll go nowhere.

 
 
4.   Yearn:  God doesn’t want you to spend time with Him unless you do so freely.  Most people wouldn’t like spending time with someone who acts like they would rather be somewhere else and something tells me neither does God.  

Now it’s time to try it out.  There’s no time like the present moment.

The Power of Prayerful Affirmations

We’ve all heard about the wonders of affirmations, so why not turn your spoken words in prayer into affirmations that can help you transform your life.  

When I started making prayerful affirmations, I truly didn’t believe what I was saying.  However, I committed to praying the same words over and over again until I believed them.  It didn’t happen overnight, but it was pretty cool when it finally did happen.  Of course, a lot of therapy preceded my even thinking about doing this.

I prayed “My Lord, and my God, I give you my heart, my mind, my body, and my spirit:  all that I am and all that I can be.  Take away all the darkness.  Take it all away, so I can be with you.  Be one with you and be truly free.”

Try it, but remember, the key is not to give up.  You're definitely worth it!

Beautiful Me


Today, I realized I’m feeling frazzled.  Looking back, I realize that I saw this coming.  I’ve been working too long and hard without checking in with myself.  That’s something I learned during a group therapy session at the YWCA.  
For six or eight weeks, we met and discussed stresses that we experienced in our bodies.  It wasn’t just a bitch session.  We kept going deeper until we found the source.  For example, earlier this evening my heart was racing, and my entire body felt tightened like a rubber band stretched to the max.  As it turns out, that’s exactly what I did to myself.  I’ve been there for everyone else, but I forgot to make time for me.
After you become aware of the stress you’re experiencing and narrow it down to a feeling and reason you’re feeling that way, it’s time to think about an action for you to take to begin healing your body.  For me, after I realized I was overextended, I started taking deep breaths.  Then, I took my hands and ran them from the tips of my toes to the top of my head with outstretched hands as I literally and figuratively gave myself to God and prayed, “My Lord, and my God, I give you my heart, my mind, my body, and my spirit:  all that I am and all that I can be.  Take all my fears, anxieties, and the rest of the darkness.  Take it all away, so I can be with you.  Be one with you, so I can be beautiful me.”

Tears of Sorrow, Tears of Joy


My mother’s been gone for almost 20 years, and I miss her every day especially this time of year.  With my birthday and hers last month followed by Mother’s Day, my heart desperately aches for her hugs, sweet smiles, and infectious laughter.  I’ve been busy working on launching my book, and I just realized that I forgot to make time just to sit, reflect, and let the tears flow where they may.

I remember when I repressed everything about my father raping me as a child, and how I didn’t want to feel anything because I thought I would never stop crying and go insane.  On the outside I was laughing and joyful, but on the inside horrible flashbacks tortured me non-stop.  

Like I mentioned in my blog about the importance of having a “safe place,” I thought my mother was my safe place since my father wouldn’t touch me when she was around.  Now I realize that God has always been my safe place, and my mother was the instrument through which I experienced His love.  Thank you, Lord, for turning my tears of sorrow into tears of joy.  And, thanks mom, for being totally open to the spirit of God and giving me the priceless gift of faith that saved my life.  Happy Mother’s Day, mom, and Happy Mother's Day to all mothers everywhere!  Without you the world would have imploded by now.

Lights in the Darkness


A friend just sent me a photo of his latest collage where I observed the way he photographed the interior night lights at a public building in downtown Chicago.  They have a star-like quality about them which I think is really cool.  I’ve always loved the “light in the darkness” metaphor because as a rape survivor I have been overwhelmed by the darkness many times, and I know how important that light has been to me.
What’s the light?  Hope, love, compassion and anything else I need at that moment in time.  Sometimes it’s hard to articulate, but the heart and soul know better than our heads do because they seek the real world that lies in our true essence:  our infinite, spirit.
How have I held onto the light?  Sometimes it meant and still means going out for a walk to distract myself or just hanging out with trusted family or friends.  The two most important things for me in my healing journey have been prayer and therapy.  Prayer is a powerful force that should never be underestimated.  Holding onto my faith in God and constantly asking God for strength has saved me many times from slipping into the darkness for good.  Combined with prayer, therapy saved my life.  Without therapy, I would still have a foot in the darkness and would never have been able to follow my healing path.
What’s your light and how do you hold onto it?  If you're not sure or don't know, I suggest following the advice found in Matthew 7:7 – 7:8, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Centering Prayer Helps Me Stay Grounded in the Present Moment


Like I mentioned in an earlier blog about controlling flashbacks, it’s critical for survivors to stay grounded in the present moment.  When I start thinking about the abuse I suffered in the past, I always remind myself that I am safe and in control, so the flashbacks don’t start to control me.  Focusing on taking deep breaths also helps.

Centering Prayer helps me stay grounded in the present moment and develop a deeper relationship with God.  I’ve been practicing it for more than 20 years.  Like any relationship, communication is important which also means learning how to be a better listener.  I am far from perfect about this although I’ve definitely improved over the years. 

You don’t move around like yoga.  You pray either sitting on the floor or in a chair, and you remain sitting wherever you are and focus on your meditation.  Before you start, you need to choose a sacred word.  Your sacred word is the symbol of your intention to allow God’s presence and action in your soul.  It can be love, peace, or your own name for God.  I love the fact that anyone from any faith can practice it!

Once you have your sacred word and you’re seated comfortably, close your eyes and take a few deep breathes to help you relax.  Imagine something like you’re inhaling God’s powerful peace and love.  And, exhaling all the tension and worries in your mind, body and soul.  Visualize God’s powerful, peace and love flowing into your body.  First through your mind and head, down to all your limbs, and then penetrating your soul melting away your anxieties overpowered by God’s awesome peace and love.

When you’re ready, silently introduce your sacred word, be with God, and just listen.  When you become aware of your thoughts, gently return to the sacred word.  Don’t be discouraged.  Be gentle with yourself.  Think of it as if you’re meeting God in a noisy coffee shop like Starbuck’s.  You’re next to a loud table.  There’s nowhere to move, so you’re trying to focus on what he’s telling you.

It’s important not to get upset about all the distractions.  Don’t worry about your thoughts.  You just let them come and go like noisy distractions in Starbuck’s you ignore, and remain focused on your sacred word and your intention and listen.  Then, at the end of your prayer remain in silence with your eyes closed for a couple of minutes.  It’s awkward at first, but you get used to it.

In case you’re interested in finding out more about Centering Prayer, here’s the website:  http://centeringprayer.com/.  What I love about Centering Prayer is that it emphasizes prayer as your personal relationship with God!  

How Centering Prayer Helps Me Stay Grounded in the Present Moment


Like I mentioned in an earlier blog about controlling flashbacks, it’s critical for survivors to stay grounded in the present moment.  When I start thinking about the abuse I suffered in the past, I always remind myself that I am safe and in control, so the flashbacks don’t start to control me.  Focusing on taking deep breaths also helps.

Centering Prayer helps me stay grounded in the present moment and develop a deeper relationship with God.  I’ve been practicing it for more than 20 years.  Like any relationship, communication is important which also means learning how to be a better listener.  I am far from perfect about this although I’ve definitely improved over the years. 

You don’t move around like yoga.  You pray either sitting on the floor or in a chair, and you remain sitting wherever you are and focus on your meditation.  Before you start, you need to choose a sacred word.  Your sacred word is the symbol of your intention to allow God’s presence and action in your soul.  It can be love, peace, or your own name for God.  I love the fact that anyone from any faith can practice it!

Once you have your sacred word and you’re seated comfortably, close your eyes and take a few deep breathes to help you relax.  Imagine something like you’re inhaling God’s powerful peace and love.  And, exhaling all the tension and worries in your mind, body and soul.  Visualize God’s powerful, peace and love flowing into your body.  First through your mind and head, down to all your limbs, and then penetrating your soul melting away your anxieties overpowered by God’s awesome peace and love.

When you’re ready, silently introduce your sacred word, be with God, and just listen.  When you become aware of your thoughts, gently return to the sacred word.  Don’t be discouraged.  Be gentle with yourself.  Think of it as if you’re meeting God in a noisy coffee shop like Starbuck’s.  You’re next to a loud table.  There’s nowhere to move, so you’re trying to focus on what he’s telling you.

It’s important not to get upset about all the distractions.  Don’t worry about your thoughts.  You just let them come and go like noisy distractions in Starbuck’s you ignore, and remain focused on your sacred word and your intention and listen.  Then, at the end of your prayer remain in silence with your eyes closed for a couple of minutes.  It’s awkward at first, but you get used to it.

In case you’re interested in finding out more about Centering Prayer, here’s the website:  http://centeringprayer.com/.  What I love about Centering Prayer is that it emphasizes prayer as your personal relationship with God!  

What’s the song that makes your spirit soar, and how can you let it transform you?


I believe the nature of music is spiritual.  Certain songs transform your soul.  It’s as if the music and lyrics gently massage your broken heart and spirit leaving you feeling like you can do almost anything.

Looking back, the songs that pulled me through turbulent times ended up being theme songs for what I wanted my life to be like.  They helped me pick myself up, take action, and focus on a brighter future.  Music helped me hold onto my faith in God which saved my life.

In November 2004, the darkness crept into my life again.  The only friend I had nearby, who was married and like a brother to me, made a pass at me knowing that I was a survivor of childhood sexual violence.  Suicidal thoughts started creeping in again.  I was living at the YMCA in Chicago’s Gold Coast in a room the size of a large walk-in closet and working as a security guard in a River North condo building where a resident was trying to get me fired for doing my job.

My life was miserable, but by the grace of God, I persevered.  The darkness overcame me many times back then, but I kept holding on to my faith in God and I wouldn’t let go.  I couldn’t afford an iPod or an Internet connection, so I listened to the radio a lot.  In 2005, Kelly Clarkson’s song “Breakaway” was still popular and became my theme song.  Whenever I heard “Breakaway,” it catapulted me over the rainbow.

Today, I am a happy and peaceful person.  Every sexual violence survivor deserves to live a happy and peaceful life.  You might not feel like it, but you are in control of your life.  You and God, Nature, or whatever you call your higher power.   Together you can do anything.

What’s the song that makes your spirit soar and how can you let it transform you?

Destiny


Here's a rap song, Destiny, that started coming to me while I was putting away groceries one afternoon on February 22, 2009 around 7:30 p.m.  I remember it was same week that we recorded When Life Lets You Down,Get Up!  However, I haven't recorded this one yet.  Words for the missing stanza, the second one from the end, finally came to me September 25, 2009 while I rode the bus home.  I hope you find it inspiring.
Destiny
Destiny, divinity
tell me what you mean to me
closed eyes lead to infinity
my endless possibilites
locked up deep inside of me.
 
Help me end this suffering
Lead me far away from me
Illusions I can't bear to see
Help me find the real me
Buried deep:  divinity.
 
Deny, deny or why do I
Believe I am my body or someone else’s word?
I see dead people have you heard?
Creeping, crawling, wailing, yawning,
pretending to be everything to
everyone, but they can't see they're dead.
 
Smothering their souls inside
They run away and try to hide,
so they won't have to feel the pain.
A candle running from a flame
Afraid they’ll melt and slip away
They live their lives not ever growing
and end up living: but never knowing
about a life pursuing dreams.
How sad and how depressing
They’ll never know what they are missing.
Destiny, divinity
Help me, please, be true to me
Cuz when I am, I’m truly free
I AM TRUE DIVINITY
I am one with God:  you see.
And then, he co-creates with me.
Destiny, divinity
tell me what you mean to me
closed eyes lead to infinity
my endless possibilites
locked up deep inside of me.
 

Destiny


Here's a rap song, Destiny, that started coming to me while I was putting away groceries one afternoon on February 22, 2009 around 7:30 p.m.  I remember it was same week that we recorded When Life Lets You Down,Get Up!  However, I haven't recorded this one yet.  Words for the missing stanza, the second one from the end, finally came to me September 25, 2009 while I rode the bus home.  I hope you find it inspiring.
Destiny
Destiny, divinity
tell me what you mean to me
closed eyes lead to infinity
my endless possibilites
locked up deep inside of me.
 
Help me end this suffering
Lead me far away from me
Illusions I can't bear to see
Help me find the real me
Buried deep:  divinity.
 
Deny, deny or why do I
Believe I am my body or someone else’s word?
I see dead people have you heard?
Creeping, crawling, wailing, yawning,
pretending to be everything to
everyone, but they can't see they're dead.
 
Smothering their souls inside
They run away and try to hide,
so they won't have to feel the pain.
A candle running from a flame
Afraid they’ll melt and slip away
They live their lives not ever growing
and end up living: but never knowing
about a life pursuing dreams.
How sad and how depressing
They’ll never know what they are missing.
Destiny, divinity
Help me, please, be true to me
Cuz when I am, I’m truly free
I AM TRUE DIVINITY
I am one with God:  you see.
And then, he co-creates with me.
Destiny, divinity
tell me what you mean to me
closed eyes lead to infinity
my endless possibilites
locked up deep inside of me.
 

A Litany for Sexual Assault Survivors

*Jesus sets me free.

He sets me free from the sorrow.
He sets me free from the pain.
He sets me free from the feelings I never want to feel again.

He sets me free from the numbness.
He sets me free from the shame that isn’t mine.
He sets me free from the guilt belonging to a criminal / criminals     
     who committed a horrible crime.
He sets me free from an ignorant society blaming victims all the time.

He sets me free from the earthly powers that be.
His right hand reaches out, consoles, and guides me.
He sets me free and my spirit soars beyond my body, space and time.
He sets me free making me His and Him mine.

*Jesus sets me free.

*Please use your own name for your higher power here.

A Litany for Sexual Assault Survivors

*Jesus sets me free.

He sets me free from the sorrow.
He sets me free from the pain.
He sets me free from the feelings I never want to feel again.

He sets me free from the numbness.
He sets me free from the shame that isn’t mine.
He sets me free from the guilt belonging to a criminal / criminals     
     who committed a horrible crime.
He sets me free from an ignorant society blaming victims all the time.

He sets me free from the earthly powers that be.
His right hand reaches out, consoles, and guides me.
He sets me free and my spirit soars beyond my body, space and time.
He sets me free making me His and Him mine.

*Jesus sets me free.

*Please use your own name for your higher power here.